Commentary: Learning to let go as a parent of a Primary 1 child
SINGAPORE: Information technology's only the third week of schoolhouse and already I have mixed feelings about my child starting Master i.
On the i hand, I feel a sense of pride as I witness my son growing in independence and developing new skills.
On the other, I wish time would dull down so I can linger with my son a petty more than.
After the first calendar week of school, parents are no longer immune to walk in with their kid. The beginning forenoon I had to bid my child farewell at the school gate, I stood watching every bit his small-scale effigy diminished into the distance.
I realised then that I was also witnessing the emergence of his autonomy.
SOWING THE SEEDS OF INDEPENDENCE
As a family, nosotros have tried to encourage independence in our kids from an early age. Nosotros took infant steps like allowing them to cocky-feed, dress themselves, and practice simple chores like setting the table and packing up their toys.
At present, at the age of 6, my son has to make his ain decisions in school – from what to eat at recess, to whom to befriend. Though I teach him the importance of eating good for you food, I take zero control over his daily choices.
I just accept to trust him and give him the information he needs to make better decisions.
Over the form of just three weeks, I accept seen prove of his budding independence and responsibility.
He is starting to cheque his handbook to ensure he has the necessary items for schoolhouse the side by side day, and volition take the initiative to hand me letters from his teacher. There were besides times when he could tell me that he needed me to buy actress files or ask for money for a magazine subscription.
The road ahead of him may be long, merely I am heartened to encounter the showtime fruits of our labour. Yet I notice myself still constantly worrying about him.
FEAR OF BEING LEFT Backside
The anxieties that parents confront in helping their children adapt to school and proceeds independence are existent, from dealing with bullying issues to their child being chosen out for not paying attention in class.
But what we don't oft discuss is how do we learn to permit go graciously, in this flavor of formal didactics, so that our child can accept over?
This is arguably the most difficult affair a parent must practice when their kid enters school.
Evelyn Tan-Rogers, a mother of two whose second-born started school this year, reflects:
What helps me to permit go is knowing that the infinite is good for us both, to abound. It's a chance for him to gain independence – we realised in the offset week that at that place were so many things we'd been helping him with, such equally putting on his seat belt or dressing him.
At home, nosotros tin requite our children space to demonstrate that they tin tackle their homework with minimal adult intervention.
A friend of mine actually prompts her kid to update her regarding all authoritative matters or homework, even though she may already accept the information from the teacher. This helps to identify the responsibility firmly in the hands of her child.
I take mixed feelings towards class WhatsApp grouping informally set up amidst parents. While such chat groups may prove useful at times, I wonder if they take up more of our mental loads than we realise. No surprise that my child's chief explicitly discourages parents from setting upwards such groups, explaining that information technology can be a source of anxiety and misinformation.
Another expanse is in assuasive kids to make mistakes and have action to solve their own problems.
Just the other day, my kid left his wallet at the canteen during recess. I gave him instructions to expect at the lost and plant cupboard in the canteen, and if information technology's non there, to so enquire at the general part.
Yet, the side by side mean solar day, I gritted my teeth and tried to keep my fingers from dialing the general office's number to find out if my child's wallet was there.
Imagine my surprise to hear him reporting that he went to the office and managed to repossess his wallet, with the money intact. Information technology was a learning moment for the both of usa.
Independence is a skill nosotros all want for our children and yet nosotros hesitate to come across the day when we are totally unneeded or even unwanted. This journey of letting get and handing over the keys to life is bittersweet.
LETTING GO AND RECONNECTING
To help myself in this procedure, I've decided to channel my inner Elsa, the heroine in the Disney movie Frozen.
Instead of worrying about the one thousand and 1 things that may go wrong, and trying to take control of all the elements, I'm choosing to permit it get, and trust that I have prepared my kid plenty.
I'grand choosing to see the newfound freedom we accept both gained in a new light.
Apart from parent volunteer duties in my son'due south schoolhouse, I have been diligently fixing up more breakfast dates with friends. I'thousand also devoting more time to growing my career this year.
At the aforementioned fourth dimension, I look forward to reconnecting with him. I plan special things to do together, whether it'southward a romp at the playground or a play appointment with an old friend, and have defended ane 24-hour interval of the week to do that.
When I selection him from school, I have to control the cord of questions in my head and inquire him in small bites. "Who did you eat recess with?" "What did you buy?" "What was your favourite function of your day?"
Being able to reconnect and spend some time together helps parents like me tune in to my kids' emotions and mental state.
A mother of a child with different learning needs once confided:
Knowing what is happening and being able to help him deal with his difficulty ane thing at a fourth dimension helps me to reduce my own anxiety.
EMPOWERING RATHER THAN PROTECTING
Letting go is a bit like a trip the light fantastic toe. As our children show a desire to take on more responsibility, we need to pace back and let them accept the lead.
By subscribing to the proverb of never doing for a child what he is capable of doing for himself, I believe this will help our children learn confidence, independence and other life skills, which will help them navigate their later years.
Similar a butterfly needs to break out of its own cocoon in society to develop force in its wings to fly, our children are as well coming into their own and developing their personhood when they enter school.
We can empower them past being there when they need help or a listening ear, rather than being overly protective or intrusive. Nosotros must give them the space to brand mistakes, and larn from these.
Though I may however ask the question, "Where did my little male child get?" I am choosing to focus on the answer I know I already accept - my child is growing up and learning how to be a responsible young man, and this is definitely something worth being proud of.
June Yong is a mother of three, an educational therapist and possessor of Mama Wear Papa Shirt, a blog that discusses parenting and education in Singapore.
Source: https://cnalifestyle.channelnewsasia.com/singapore/commentary-learning-let-go-parent-primary-1-child-256121
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